Branch Three - Telling others about your religion

I first learned about paganism by doing research into cults, turns out my Uncle was claiming to be the Christ and was forcing his family to do some very un-ethical things.

When my Aunt left she was forced by him to walk away from her children, which just broke her heart, her children were her life. She wrote a story about things that she was forced to do while in his house and when I read it I felt a strong need to help her find a way to get her children away from that lunatic. I began by researching the mindset of occultists, and in doing that I found that paganism was listed in most books as an occult. So I bought my first book about paganism.

Turns out paganism is not an occult, but rather a spiritual religion that does not follow common Christian dogma. This intrigued me further and I did more research, when I couldn't get any different information from books (they were all saying the same thing just in different words) I started looking for other forms of information.

A few years later I began working at a large company and while there I came to know a man called Frog. He and I became good friends, and one day he invited me to a gathering that he was attending, I went and low and behold it was a gathering of Pagans. I had attended my first real Pagan Ritual.

I was enthralled, I wanted more information, and being an Aries I wanted it now! I asked as many questions as I could think of, and strangely I would get basically the same answer each time, "Read, and Read some more", they were nice enought to give me book titles and such and that is how my journey into Paganism began.

At one point I was asked by my daughter "why do you want to be a Pagan", at the time I couldn't answer her, but after wrting my feelings in my journal I came up with the answer. I want to be a Pagan because it gives me the spiritual connection that I have searched for all my life. It is simple, and it is spiritually fulfilling.

As a Pagan I am free to worship whatever and whomever I choose, in whatever manner I feel comfortable.

I am not the kind of person who can sit back and let others tell me how to do things, especially things that are personal to me. I guess you could say that I am not a follower, I am a true and bold leader.

The more I studied paganism the more I learned, and the more spiritually connected I became. About three years into my studies, I found that there are many sects of Paganism, called traditions, each one having a set of guidelines that are followed. I tried several traditions, first it was Gardenarian, then Dianic, and others as I was introduced to them. I even joined a few covens because I thoguth that the structured learning that they offered would help answer some questions I still had.

In the covens I learned that I am not one to follow a crowd, while I did enjoy learning from the great teachers, I was not capable of just following them because they said this is the way it is done. I wanted to know why it is done that way. I am an Aries after all.

After all the time I spent studying and learning from others I realized while writing in my journal one day that I was still not satisfied. I still felt that something wasn't exactly as it should be. This is when I began to study on my own, I began writing my own rituals, and my own spells. Creating from information I had gathered my own set of ethics and my own way of doing things. That is when everything "clicked into place", so to speak.

It wasn't until sometime later that I was told that I was a solitary Pagan, and after saying that a few times I decided it fit me perfectly.

All through my journey I was constantly faced with the worry of having to tell my family and close friends what I was doing and why. While Buckland (aka - Uncle Bucky) has a section in his book (I forget the name of it, but it is the one that has his picture on the front) that can help with this I wasn't ready, I felt that I needed to know more about my tradition before I could explain it to anyone, so I studied more.

When I finally felt comfortable enough in my craft I began telling people I knew that I was a Pagan, and then came the questions. It was somewhat difficult for me, even after all the studying I had done, but I was confident that I could explain it enough to satisfy even my mother.

While I was going through this "stepping out of the broom closet" phase of my life, wrote everything down in my journal, so that when and if my daughter wanted to follow a similar path she would have the tools that would make easy for her. I have found that my tools are sought by others as well, that is why I began this website.

I have listed below my answers and answers from a few authors that I like that can help you with your "comint out of the broom closet". If you read these, and are still not sure that you can explain your tradition or path fully, then I suggest you study your path more, get to know who you are inside before you try to explain it to others. You will be more confident and more relaxed when you talk about it to others and that in turn will releive their anxieties.

Please be safe, if you feel that you will be in danger, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, if you come out of the broom closet, then DO NOT come out. Many Blessings to you and may your friends and family understand your tradition.

Tips For Telling Your Family

If you are not out of the broom closet, but you want to be, I think you will find it easier to start by telling people you don't really know that you are Pagan. In just about every conversation sparked in passing you can create an opening for you to explain what you believe. For example, when you are asked "How are you today?" you can reply with, the Gods have given me great health today.

Coming out of the broom closet to strangers, prepares your mind, body and spirit for telling your family and close friends.

Starting this way makes the process easier and more relaxed for you and your loved ones. It also gives you time to memorize and work out details of how you explain your religion. It is a sounding board, so to speak, make sure that each time you explain your beliefs you note it in a journal, as this help when you are ready to move to the next level.

I think the first and most asked question that I have gotten about my religion is "What is Paganism?", the answer that you will find in most books and on most website is "Paganism is an earth based religion which lays emphasis on the worship of all aspects of nature." This answer seems to bring even more questions to the minds of those who are asking. So instead of using that answer try this one: Paganism is a religion followed by people who feel a connection with nature. Pagans are polytheistic, believing in and working with many Gods and Goddesses equally, for the good of myself, nature, and the people close to me.

The next most asked question is, "Oh that is a lovely necklace your wearing, What is it?" Watch the persons face when they are asking this question, most of them will roll their eyes, or give you some kind of indication that already know what it is, but they are being polite and asking you to explain your idea of what it means. Others really don't know what it is and may mistakenly call it a star of david. Either way you can respond to them by saying, why its a symbol of my connection to the spiritual world. Each point of the star represents an element, with the top point representing my spirit, and the circle representing the endless cycle of life.

The third question that I have been asked most is: "Does this mean you worship Satan?" The most common answer is no we don't believe in Satan. But over the years I have found that saying, "No, Satan is a Christian God, and is not even recognized as a deity in Paganism", will cause mouths to drop open and stumbling, and stuttering to occur. I just love the reactions I get with this one.

Now comes the defining who you are question, "Are you Wiccan?" Since Wicca and Paganism have gotten a great deal of press in the last 20 or 30 years, people do know about them, they don't know much, but they do know about them. Those that have read about it, or had a family member that is practicing, may ask you because they don't know that Wicca is a tradition of Paganism, and not all Pagans are Wiccans. Start by explaining that Paganism is broad term for any religion that is not Christian. Then you can explain that you are, or as in my case, not Wiccan but Druid. Now I have to explain what a Druid is. A Druid is someone who follows an ancient celtic path of spirituality, we are the healers, teachers, and seers of an ancient tradition.

Each of the questions and answers above are designed to either shut a mocking person up, or spark a polite conversation about your religion and beliefs. Either way the asker will understand that you are serious about your religion and that you are not just following this path as a fad. The questions above are also questions that are most commonly asked in passing, in other words, they are asked by the cashier at the grocery store, or a visitor to your place of business, etc. Every time you take a moment to answer them you are paving the way for the rest of us, you are giving us a voice, and you are taking away misconceptions of what and who we are. I thank you, for allowing me the chance to be heard, and understood.

Now for the hard part, telling your family and close friends about your religion. I started with one close friend, it was a spur of the moment decision, and not very well thought out. My friend and I were talking about our usual stuff and for some reason religion was brought up, and that is when I just spurted out that I was a Pagan. Then the questions came, what is that? and why? The what is that is answered above, the why is because I feel more comfortable with this religion. That was acceptable to my friend, and were able to move on to other issues in our lives.

It was finally time for me to tell my family, a very hard audience. I didn't want to startle them by just blurting out I am a Pagan! So I decided that at the next family gathering, which was Thanksgiving, instead of participating in their ritual prayer before eating, I would conduct my own ritual.

I brought my tree statue, my bowl or well, and my candle, I also brought an offering bowl and a few other things that I find helpful.

When everyone gathered at the table to say grace, I layed out my tools, and did my ritual right there. Because my family is so polite to each other, no one said anything while I was working they just watched in silence and tried to keep up with the prayer so they would know when to say Amen.

As is tradition in my family, after the prayer, we go around the table and everyone tells what they are thankful for. When it came to be my turn, I stood, held the offering plate above my head and said, Lord and Lady, I am thankful to you for the wonderful harvest this year. I am thankful for each and every grain of wheat and corn that you have so graciously given from your womb to feed and nourish my family. This offering is for you Shining ones, Gods and Goddesses that my people honored and called upon, today I give you offerings and honor and my love. I ask at this time for your blessings on me and my family for the coming year. When finished I sat and closed the ritual in my normal fashion.

No one said anything, I think their stomachs were growling by then and so they all ate, I was asked later by my mother about it and I explained to that is how I pray, and how I give thanks to the Gods for what they have given me. Which sparked the conversation about what I believed in. Strangely enough, my entire family was ok with my religion. I was allowed to conduct my own ritual at each family holiday, and after doing it several times they were relaxed and so was I. It did peak the curosity of my brother, who began asking more questions, and eventually began practicing his own tradition of Paganism.

I know what you are thinking, my family will not be as open to me doing that. Think about this, my mother is a devout Christian. She is unwavering in her beliefs, and still tries to get me into her church on occassion. People are open minded if you let them be. It is not what you tell your family about your religion, it how you tell them. If you gather them all together by saying, "I have something to tell you all" then spit out that your Pagan, you are going to get negative reactions, because a gathering called under "I have something to tell you all", puts everyone on edge bracing for the worst possible scenario. Is she gay? Is she dying? Everyone is tense and waiting for the bomb, and you know that tense and nervous reactions are usually not thought out but the first thing that comes to mind. Things said under those conditions are not the true feelings of the person saying them, they are reacting out of fear, or tension.

Only you can know how and when to tell your family and friends, just remember if you feel you may be in danger by coming out of the broom closet, then don't come out. Many have lived a full and productive life tucked nice and safe in the broom closet.